Lesson Learnt.

I think that feeling is almost gone.

Just upgraded my Windows Vista to Windows 7 and I'm extremely satisfied and happy with it. Just getting used to it but it looks better and that makes my day better somehow.

It is really scary how in about 4 months, I'm gonna be a doctor. A real-life doctor. Not a student.

Heartbreak.

I have never experienced such pain in my life before. Never. Words can't ever describe this feeling inside of me. Is there something worse than guilt? Shame? Regret? Sadness? Despair? Dread? I am feeling all these inside of me right now, it really hurts.

I have never done anything for them to be in this state before. I'm so fucking broken that I actually caused this and that I can't do ANYTHING about it. How can I make it right again? It's impossible.

I am not very eloquent with words and so it's difficult for me to express this adequately. This insane creature inside of me, eating me up from inside. All I can do to feel better is to harden my heart and let it be. But I just can't.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Louboutins.

Just watched Jennifer Lopez perform Louboutins on Ellen DeGeneres. She's one brave woman. Did the jump again, even higher, and didn't fall. On national TV again.

Retail therapy today. Bought Christmas presents for myself and friend. Happy.

Element of Freedom.

Alicia Keys' album is simply too addictive. You have to listen to it at a go. The first few songs set you up for the rest of the album.

Early day today. I should be studying furiously. But I'm not.

Bad.

Insomnia, Part II.

Seriously can't fall asleep. Insanely horrid feeling.

Zzzzz.

Insomnia.

I can't sleep without you next to me.

Feeling as though something is missing. And it's eating me up from the inside out.

I Am... Yours

Had a great weekend. House to myself. 3 consecutive nights of partying.

And did I mention the best thing? Beyoncé's live DVD came! Happyness.

Thanks to everyone who made this weekend possible. Love ya'll.

Go Ahead.

Telling my body to not fall sick, but I find myself cuddling under the blanket. Feeling cold? Not too sure. Trying to think but this malaise is affecting me. BAH.

Telephone.

Hello, hello? Baby you called? I can't hear a thing.

I have got no service in the club, you see-see.

Wha-wha-whaat did you say? Oh you breaking up on me.

Sorry, I cannot hear you. I'm kinda busy.

Today was a day of high yield. Studied. Breast clinic. SGH ward-trolling with high success-rate. Awesomeness.

Paeds interview just around the corner. It beckons with a menacing smile.

Make It Good.

So. Much. Inertia.

Seriously. Everything seems so much more interesting. Sitting in front of the computer listening to music and staring into space.

Help me?

Scared shitless by the interview next Monday.

Without Love.

Life is like the seasons with no summer.

Bad day today. Don't know why but I was dead tired and the splitting headache didn't help. Fell asleep in front of my tutor. Thank God for caffeine.

Fringe.

Why does everything, including the mundane things, seem exciting when you are supposed to study?

Watching Fringe now. Or rather, re-watching Fringe S1.

Was it 99 or 98 days left? FML.

Music Again.

What a bad day today. Sat through 5 hours of lectures that made me realize how stupid and how un-full of knownledge I am. They were useful on the whole but there was this ECG reading one that was basically a conversation of wits and knowledge between the lecturer and my classmate who is basically a ECG reader.

On top of that, AR the whole damn day. Took 2 Clarinase in the morning but it didn't work. Just popped 2 Piriton 2 hours ago and now i'm feeling un-wantedly drowsy.

MBBS is nearing. 100 days left. Shit.

All The Right Moves.

Saw someone at Ion today. Haven't seen her in ages and it's probably because things did not end well. Anyway, she was stealing glances at me together with her whole group of friends. Pretended not to see her while I was on the phone.

Stole a second glance. She looked different. Not good different though. Kinda mean, but that's just the ugly truth.

Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart.

I can't wait for Alicia Keys' new album. I've heard only 2 singles of it and I already know it's gonna be a good one. I think this time her songs are really heartfelt and meaningful.

It's been studying and studying these days, although not a lot I must admit. Need to study more. Wish me luck. No, wish me discipline.

Sentimental.

New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can't do.

New York, these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you.

Let's hear it for New York.

Listening to Alicia Keys belt these simple words really brought me back to New York. I can attest to the lyrics. Walking down the streets of New York, you feel like you can do anything. There's a feeling of emancipation. It's as if a big load has been lifted off your shoulder.

There's never a worse time to feel this way, especially when you're preparing for the exams. And especially when you're in Singapore. There's a feeling of being boxed in, trapped by your choices or lack of.

Zoom.

Time really flies. 5 years of Medical school raced past in the blink of an eye. I'm wondering if I've matured or if I'm ready to be a doctor. Well, no use thinking about such things right now. Just need to concentrate on MBBS.

Discipline. Discipline. Discipline.

Study. Study. Study.